


Me, a whole.

by RosalineLevesque



Series: Of Gon x and x Killua [6]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Character Study, Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, I apologize for that, I think?, Introspection, M/M, Possible OOCness, Post-Canon, Post-Chairman Election Arc, Post-Chimera Ant Arc, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 10:06:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16365872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosalineLevesque/pseuds/RosalineLevesque
Summary: What does it mean to be complete?What does it mean for someone to complete you?Killua, late at night, ponders.





	Me, a whole.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this just happened. I can't believe I've been struggling to write something for the past few months and then BAM! 1000 words fic while trying to do my English homework.
> 
> I guess this fic is in a way inspired by my first ever Killugon fic "This thing × Without × A name". Just the general idea of Killua contemplating about him and Gon at an ungodly hour of the night really seems to appeal to me. Lol.
> 
> I hope it doesn't suck as much as I think it does.

Most of his life has been a soul searching journey. What is lying beyond his family's boundaries? Is there something more for him, out there in the distance?  
  
From a young age, Killua knew he wanted _something_...though that something did change its definition throughout the years. At first, it was the chance to be normal, then to have a friend, freedom, a purpose...seeds of wishes planted in concrete instead of soil, never to see the light of the day.  
  
Ultimately, all of them stood for one concept, one ideal.  
  
The need to be complete.  
  
What does it mean to be complete?  
  
What does it mean for someone to complete you?  
  
Killua, late at night, ponders.  
  
Ask random people on the street and you'll get every answer possible under the sun.  
  
_"To find what you want to do in life."_ one would say.  
  
_"No, it's reaching the goal you set for yourself."_ argues another.  
  
_"Making those around you and yourself proud."_ comes a third opinion.  
  
The romantic souls throw their two cents. _"To find the one made for you, your other half."_  
  
_"No, no, no! It's to-"_  
  
Bullshit.  
  
People are never complete.  
  
Humans are, for lack of a better word,...complicated creatures. They are oxymorons capable of rational thought. They are hyperboles pushing the limit of what "enough" means.  
  
Many more species exist with the capicity of thought and able two walk on two feet and even to use Nen. In spite of this, humans possess the uncanny ability to seem peacocks in front of equals. Because, said equals appear one step lower in their minds, inferior psychologically, physically, you name it. They use any way to justify the mindset, a hard resolve.

 Surrounded by their own, though, is when the resolve crumbles and is smashed in pieces.

A stab from a friend does indeed hurt more than one from a foe. One heals with medicine, the other has to face the test of time and strength.  
  
All in all, people are just plain weird.  
  
And there is also Gon, a repetition in Killua's life, soul and thoughts that, more often than not, ends with a question mark.  
  
If you had asked him a few years ago and if Killua would have actually bothered with you, he would have admitted, no tremor other than from embarrassment in his voice: "Yes, I do feel like Gon completes me."  
  
Killua would have flipped his former self for saying that.  
  
No one completes anyone.  
  
Since he is really on his metaphor game this chilly night, why not explain it as such: People are not puzzles. They do not have a certain amount of experience or qualities they have to obtain in order to put together a perfect picture, a perfect self.  
  
To look at things from pink coloured expectations only leads to regret, suffering and more regret.

He sneaks a glance at his friend, mouth wide open and belly exposed, and Killua leans down. With the gentleness someone with his hands shouldn't have, he brushes dark strings of hair.

 _'I would know.'_ He thinks with a snort.  
  
Rivers. Maybe that's a good analogy to make. People are more like rivers. They are indecisive, Killua is hit by this every time he and Gon argue about which way to go on their trips.

Feelings and opinions can change on a whim, but that's what allows growth in the first place.  
  
Just like a water's never ending flow, people are in an eternal chase for the unattainable sense of completeness. Sure, the river, eventually, reaches the ocean. However, it doesn't remain there for long, it becomes part of something bigger. The clouds he watches with Gon in the evening or the rain caressing his skin on Summer days.  
  
A cycle of harmonic change.  
  
It's only when you limit yourself and relate your significance to how "complete" you are that the river drains.  
  
Little by little, with every misadventure, Killua has finally learned: Nobody, yes not Gon, not Alluka, can complete him. There is nothing to complete in the first place.  
  
He imagines a world where completeness is within grasp. Killua visualises a young boy, twelve of age, a young wolf thrown at sheep to enjoy a good hunt. No questions, no defiance, no longing for anything, just the instinct implemented in him since birth.  
  
By his family's standards, before running away, Killua was so, so close to being a perfect, complete assassin.  
  
So what is he left to make of all of this?  
  
He is thankful that reality is actually more merciful than that.  
  
"Killua?" a sleepy whisper disturbs the atmosphere and tickles his ear as warm hands circle around his waist. "Why are you still awake?-"  A yawn. "-It's two in the morning."  
  
Killua fights a shiver, rocking Gon's sleepy head back and forth. He ignores the groan the action receives. "Idiot, you should have gone back to sleep immediately. You don't have to wait for me."  
  
"But-" Gon pouts, tawny eyes two pools of mush. "-I don't want to without Killua."  
  
Under the scarce moonlight, the star of Killua's smile shines brightly. "Jeez, so clingy. Alright, let's sleep."  
  
The blankets are put over and, inside their protective embrace, two hands join together, bringing in union two circular pieces of metal.  
  
Killua is grateful for many things. Above all else, he is grateful that he and Gon don't complete each other. Instead, they add layers to the other.  
  
They make memories together. They laugh and stand stunned in front of the world together. They annoy each other, their arguments can be about the dumbest of stuff. One moment they can be cuddling and the next planning the budget for the month. They fall, stay in the mud, then raise back together.  
  
Gon helps Killua change and evolve. Killua helps Gon in the same exact way. And, on the road without a sure finish line that is life, Killua marvels that he has a companion like Gon by his side.

He gives their interlocked fingers a squeeze, seen only by them, their late night secret, far away from the outside and what awaits them tomorrow.

Who would pick the stagnant completeness over this, anyway?

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, KUDOS, COMMENTS AND CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM ARE ALL WELCOMED. I hope you enjoyed it! :)
> 
> If you want to gush more over Killugon, you can check my tumblr: https://roselevesque.tumblr.com


End file.
